


Only a few miles away

by bavarian_angel



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Heartbreak, M/M, Talking, lockdown - Freeform, non-au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24232987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bavarian_angel/pseuds/bavarian_angel
Summary: Unable to be with Jared during the Lockdown, Jensen needs to hear his voice - needs to tell him about his decision.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	Only a few miles away

Jensen finished the rest of his beer, leaving the bottle on the counter in the kitchen before stepping outside into the cool night air. Yet he didn’t mind the goosebumps on his skin as he made sure that the glass door behind was closed. Looking up into the sky, he made out a few stars between greyish clouds. Somehow it suited his mood tonight.

Sighing he sat down on one of the loungers on the terrace. There was a reason why Jensen had chosen this place. With the current lockdown he couldn’t leave his property, but this BBQ area was the farthest from the master bedroom as well as his kids’ rooms.

Jensen let himself fall back against the soft cushion as he pulled out his cell phone. He was a few minutes early, but he gave it a shot. He hit number one on his speed dial list before holding the phone against his ear.

It only rang twice before a slight crackling indicated that it had been picked up.

“Hey...”

_“Hey babe.”_

Hearing Jared’s low voice on the other end of the line, made Jensen shiver. He wished he could crawl through his phone into the younger man’s arms, burying his face in Jared’s strong shoulder. Jensen yearned for so much more than just hearing his lover’s voice.

“You okay? You sound tired...”

_“I’m fine. Just haven’t been sleeping well.”_

A long silence followed. Neither of them felt awkward though, as if hearing the other breathing was enough for this moment.

Jensen could hear some rustling on Jared’s end, followed by the low sound of some distant water splashing. In his mind he could clearly see how Jared was sitting on the edge of the pool, his feet dangling into the cool water, all while the soft light from the terrace illuminated his slightly hunched back.

“I miss you.”

_“I know. Miss you, too. I hope they won’t extend this freaking lockdown.”_

“Do you think they will call us back to Vancouver soon?”

_“No idea. But I guess they want to wrap this up pretty quickly.”_

Despite knowing that the show’s end was coming, Jensen still refused to let it settle in his mind. He just couldn’t imagine a life without it - couldn’t imagine not seeing Jared every day.

Of course, he could always drop in for a visit in their apartment in Vancouver. They had scrapped the idea of selling it as soon as Jared had signed onto his next project. But it wasn’t like Jensen had any excuse to keep on turning up there. After all, his professional life was a big question mark after the end of Supernatural. He hadn’t signed any contract yet and it wasn’t like his agent was drowning in offers.

Once again, Jensen just listened to Jared’s soft breathing, wondering if this was how their relationship would be in the future - calls and facetiming while fighting the feeling that they drifted apart without either of them wanting it that way. This had been on his mind quite often during the lockdown. Never before had he spent such a long time with his family - and without Jared. Unable to shake these thoughts, Jensen sighed heavily.

_“What’s wrong, baby?”_

“Jared... I... I can’t do this any more...”

Jensen couldn’t see it, but he sensed Jared getting completely still, that worried look in his eyes while his face was stone-like frozen.

_“What do you mean?”_

“As soon as we wrap the last episode and our contracts expire, I will meet with my lawyer and set everything in motion for a divorce.”

_“What-?”_

“I can’t do this any more, Jared. I’ve been going crazy during the last weeks. In the morning when I wake up, I want to go get the first bottle of liquor I can find. You have no idea, how close I come to scream at Danneel’s face everyday to leave me alone. I’m so out of it that even the kids start noticing it, JJ at least. And it’s not fair to them. As much as I love my twins, and I couldn’t imagine my life without them, you know that I never wanted more children. I know I’m an asshole because of that... They don’t deserve this...”

Jensen felt the rage that had come up during his speech drain away, leaving an empty hole inside his chest. He could hardly breathe, while he clumsily wiped away the tears from his face.

_“Oh, Jen...”_

He could hear that Jared’s voice was heavy with sorrow as he didn’t know what to say to Jensen’s confession.

“I never told you, but Danni and I haven’t shared the bed in over a year.”

_“Do you think...?”_

“I don’t know. I never told her or anything, but with the way she looks at me sometimes, I think she at least suspects something.”

Jensen sighed, rubbing his face as he let his head fall against the back of the lounger. This was a big mess and he knew it. In a certain way he hoped that Jared would come baring a solution; he had been Jensen’s anchor for the last 15 years. Even more than that when they had finally worked around the pink elephant in the room about 8 years ago. However, Jensen was aware that there was no simple way to get out of this situation right now.

_“Jen... To be honest, I don’t really know what to say. We’ve talked about this, what we would do... But it’s not that easy. No matter how Danni will react, it will be a public mess and with the show ending, there couldn’t be a worse timing. Because then you won’t be the former actor of Supernatural, but the guy who leaves his wife, with three kids in the middle of it. And despite the fact that you’re so talented and amazing, people won’t offer you new jobs as long as your face could mean bad PR. Babe, I love you so much, but-”_

“Don’t you think I’ve thought about all that shit already? That’s all what is on my mind when I can’t sleep at night. But I am at a point where it’s either this or me slowly but surely going insane...”

A long silence followed Jensen’s words. He knew that Jared was deep in thought and he didn’t pressure his lover into an immediate reply. Just knowing that he was still there, hearing his slow and steady breath, was enough for Jensen right now.

_“In the end it’s your decision, Jen. However... I can’t... I am not ready to take that step with you.”_

“And you don’t have to.”

Suddenly feeling restless, Jensen stood up and started walking into the darkness of the garden.

“I never said that you would have to do anything. This is my shit and mine alone. And I know that, no matter the circumstances, I could never ask you to leave your family for me. We both knew the situation when we committed to this. And that’s why I’m telling you the same thing I told you all those years ago: I love you and I will never pressure you into anything. I might be an asshole, but not in this way.”

_“You’re not an asshole...”_

“No, just a closeted fag who will break a few hearts along the way... Anyway... I just wanted you to know and I hope you still love and want me after dumping this on you like that.”

_“Oh Ackles, I’m not frightened away this easily. I might not help you dig this hole, but as sure as hell will stand by you and will make sure you don’t dig too deep.”_

Despite everything, Jensen couldn’t hold back the slight chuckle hearing Jared’s words.

“Nah, just deep enough to salt and burn the bones...”

~*~

Jared kept on sitting by the pool for a long time after he had finished the call with Jensen. The older man’s words were constantly ringing through his mind and it was hard not imagining the worst outcomes for Jensen’s future. He loved that man dearly, but sometimes it was hard dealing with his Texan hot headedness.

Pocketing his phone, Jared finally stood up and slowly made his way back into the house. He made sure the doors and windows were locked before he went upstairs. As quietly as possible he passed the kids’ rooms, hesitating for a moment as he reached the door to the main bedroom.

Jared slowly opened the door, but didn’t step in. Gen was lying in their bed, her petite body only covered by a thin sheet, her face relaxed in deep sleep. And it wasn’t the first time that he didn’t have the urge to go over to her and press a soft kiss on her forehead. Instead, his mind was stuck with a slightly older man who was just as awake like him only a few miles away, who made his heart beat faster whenever he looked into his eyes - who maybe was braver than Jared, or maybe just one step ahead of him.


End file.
